查人人中国名人网cape town:麻烦大家看看这段话，都那里错了。另外那些地方怎么改进改进。。。
来源：百度文库 编辑：查人人中国名人网 时间：2024/04/29 23:17:00
主要感觉是学到的知识用不上，似乎不会说什么从句。。。看别的文章似乎能看懂，但自己写就不知道该加那里了。。所以大家看看那些怎么能把一些简单
句子改成从句。呵呵。谢谢大家解答先。
Hello everyone :
I'm new here , this is my first day work.
gold to meet everyone !
first
, let me introduce myself. My name is Chris ， my nickname is 旺才 and almost know to call me 旺才 , so , I hope everyone call me 旺才 too。
I was born in Beijing and from a middle family. my address is Room 16F 1 , building 25 , wangfujing . my age is nearly 25 to be 25 a week later.
my telephone number is 55555555 , mobile telephone is 55555555555. at present I remain a university but I'll be graduage at once . that's why I have to
look for a job before a month. finally , I come here .
second
, I often do part-time job during shcool . my major lesson is computer . I'm interested in playing chess and watching tv . especially I like
watching 闲人马大姐 。 ^0^ . haw~haw~ for feel very funny .
finally
if I make a mistake , hope everyone to teach me at any time，please . can't thank you enough .
我要表达的意思如下：
大家好：
我是新来的，这是第一天来上班。
很高兴认识大家。
首先：
让我自我介绍，我的名字叫Chris，绰号是旺才，并且几乎认识我的人都叫我旺才，所以我希望大家也这么叫我。
我出生在北京的一个中等富裕家庭。我的地址是王府井，25号楼，16层 1（这个16层 ，就是我想说1601，就跟201，301似的，这个1601怎么讲撒～？）
我再过一个星期就25了，我的电话是55555555，手机是55555555555，目前我仍然是一个学生，但是我马上就要毕业了。这酒是为什么我不得不找工作从一个月前。
终于，我来到了这里～
其次：
我经常在上学期间做兼职，我主修的课程是尖酸机。我的兴趣是玩象棋和看电视。尤其喜欢看闲人马大姐。haha，哈哈～
因为感觉非常。
最后：
如果我犯了错误，请大家随时执政，不胜感激。
感谢大家解答，一直没来。抱歉。幸亏今天来看。不然就过期了。。就跟我那帐号似的。在一看－几十分了。呵呵。。
另外特别感谢小嘟灵灵 - 见习魔法师 二级，hell_fire，mixi12 三位。 若以后还能遇到三位回贴，偶会每人50分，这是三位应得得。三位的名字偶已经记录电脑里了。再次感谢大家得解答。
那就逐字逐句的改了：
Hello! （和后面的招呼有重复，删去一个，建议选后者，比较适合出示见面的开场白）Everyone.
I'm new here. This is my first day work. （这里的“这是”可以用“It’s”表示，读来更为顺口，因为简洁是日常口语表述的第一原则）
gold to meet everyone! （这里应改为“glad”，“gold”是黄金的意思，首字母应大写。估计这是讲稿，所以关于大小写和标点的问题后面就不多改了另：在现场说“很高兴认识大家”，直接用“Glad to me you”就可以了，因为“you”可以表示“你们”，是比较习惯的用法。）
First（表示“首先”，用“firstly”或者“at first”比较准确严谨。）, let me introduce myself. （自我介绍时用“allow sb. to do sth.”的句式会比较委婉，即“please allow me to introduce myself”）
My name is Chris, my nickname is 旺才and almost know to call me 旺才 , so , I hope everyone call me 旺才 too。 （这段话可改为更口语化的表达：“My name is Chris and my friends always call me Wangcai. Yeah, that’s my nickname. Of course, you can call me Wangcai, too, cause we’re friends now, right? ”-“我叫Chris，我的朋友们都叫我旺财。没错，那是我的绰号。当然，你们也可以叫我旺财，因为我们是朋友了，对吗？”这样更有现场感和亲和力，你觉得呢？）
I was born in Beijing and from a middle family.（英文对环境的表述习惯和汉语是相反的，应由小到大，所以改为“I was born in a middle-class family of Beijing”，“middle-class”是指“中产阶级”，如果觉得太过正式，用楼上hell_fire的提供的“well-off”也不错）
My address is Room 16F 1 , building 25 , wangfujing . （这句话准确的表述应该是：“My address is Room 1, the 16th floor, building 25, Wangfujing”，更口语化一点可以说：“My house is in Wangfujing, and the address is Room 1, the 16th floor, building 25.”）
My age is nearly 25 to be 25 a week later. （这句话可简化为：“I will be 25 years old next week.”此外，这句话放在这个位置有点突兀，是不是移到出生地介绍后面更好一点？）
My telephone number is 55555555 , mobile telephone is 55555555555. （这句话的表述没有问题，但比较死板，建议可用“If you wanna give a call, you can dial 55555555 or 55555555555 to reach me.”l另：如果你的所在公司的语言环境是英式英语，请将“wanna”改为“want to”.）
At present I remain a university but I'll be graduage at once .
（尚未毕业的大学生应用“undergraduate”表示，全句可改为“Though I’m still a undergraduate now, I’ll graduate soon.”）
That's why I have to look for a job before a month. finally , I come here . （“找工作”用“hunt for a job”会显得更专业一些；“before a month”是“一个月前”的意思，无持续性，应改为“since a/one/single month ago”句式调整为“That’s why I have to hunt for a job since a month ago.”但是，这句话给人被迫求职的情绪，会影响他人对你工作积极性的评价，建议删去不提；或以更积极向上的语句来替换，比如：“As a new staff here, I won’t let you down（作为一名新员工，我不会让你们失望的）”等等，暂时没想到更好的内容，请再斟酌斟酌。）
Second（同上面一样，改为“Secondly”，但看了下文后觉得脸段话似乎没有承接关系，所以将“其次”改为“此外”吧）, I often do part-time job during shcool（拼错了，是“School”）. My major lesson is computer. I'm interested in playing chess and watching TV, especially I（这个“I”是多余的） like watching（这个“watching”也可以删掉） 闲人马大姐, haw~ haw~ （“哈哈”的写法是“haw-haw”或者“ha-ha”，你的写法译过来成了“山楂~山楂~”或者“左转~左转~”）for feel very funny . （“for”后面应该跟名词性从句，要用“for its funny gut”，“gut”是“剧情”的意思。但是，“for”通常表示的是客观原因，“觉得有趣”是主观情绪，用“because of”替换之。）
另：这段话的整体语序需要调整一下。
Finally, if I make a（用“any”更好些，表示不确定指向） mistake , hope everyone to teach me at any time，please . can't thank you enough .（从句缺少主语，调整为：“if I make any mistake, please point out and tell me how to put it right. I’ll make a grateful acknowledgement for you.”在这样的场合，我认为还是应该有一个比较正式的结尾，以显示诚恳。）
有点乱，归整一下：
Glad to me you, everyone! I'm new here.
It’s my first day work. So firstly, please allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Chris and my friends always call me Wangcai. Yeah, that’s my nickname. Of course, you can call me Wangcai, too, cause we’re friends now, right?
I was born in a middle-class(well-off) family of Beijing, and I will be 25 years old next week.
My house is in Wangfujing, and the address is Room 1, the 16th floor, building 25. If you wanna(want to) give a call, you can dial 55555555 or 55555555555 to reach me.
Though I’m still a undergraduate now, I’ll graduate soon. As a new staff here, I won’t let you down.（这句话我自我感觉还不是很好，请再斟酌）
Besides, my major lesson is Computer. I often do part-time job during school. I'm interested in playing chess and watching TV, especially like 闲人马大姐, because of its funny gut. haw-haw!
Finally, if I make any mistake, please point out and tell me how to put it right. I’ll make a grateful acknowledgement for you.
。。。终于打完了，自我鼓励一下先：）
问题很多啊 毕业单词写错 从一个月前 from one month ago 学生单词写错 高兴见到大家是glad不是gold 几乎所有认识我的人都叫我旺财 有问题 中等富裕也有问题 年龄那也有问题 移动电话后没加number
this is my first day work应该在work前加to and almost know to 这句话没主语so , I hope everyone call me 旺才 too。hope用错了hope后面只能加to do sth,不能加hope sb to do sth.应该用wish后面还有一些错误，问题不大，应该多注意一些语法。记好单词，加油吧
问题真大！翻译出来的中文你看：
大家你好:我 ' 新米,这里是我的第一天工作. 黄金应付大家! 首先,让我介绍一下自己. 我的名字叫克里斯,是我国之旺,必有近知道叫旺剧,所以我希望大家叫我太旺。必有我出生在北京,一个家庭中. 我的地址是16f1室,建立25个,王府井. 我25岁,是近一个星期后,将25. 我的电话号码是55555555,移动电话55555555555. 我现在仍然是我的大学 ' 有一次graduage11. 这 ' 所以我要在一个月内找工作. 终于,我来到这里. 第二,我经常做兼职工作期间shcool. 我主要是电脑课. 一 ' 米兴趣下棋、看电视. 我特别喜欢看马人闲。姐带大带0. 一场很有趣的~力~. 最后我犯了一个错误,我希望大家都来教,请随时. 可以 ' 谢谢t不够.
都不知道你在写什么！
我想可以这样
Good evening : I was new, this is the first day to go to work. We are pleased to recognize. First : Let me introduce myself, my name is Chris, known to be busy, and almost all call people I know I was busy, so I hope everyone called me. I was born in Beijing in the middle of a wealthy family. My address is Wang Fu Jing, No. 25, 16-1 (the 16 - that I want to say 1601, and she has told 201,301 into the 1601 How stresses spreading ~?) I just one week on 25, my phone is 55555555, 55555555555 mobile phone is now I still a student, But I will immediately graduate. This wine is why I have to find a job from one month ago. Finally, I came to here ~
请大家不要抄摘！
首先很嘉许你有展现自己的勇气，学习外语不是闭门造车，是需要在不断交流、试错中获得启发和经验的。
25岁开始系统学习外语，其优点是逻辑思维能力相对成熟，对语法规则的理解更加深刻，缺点则是记忆力减退，远不及中小学生那样可以通过大量背诵形成一种潜移默化的语感。对于你的平日学习我的建议是首先“掌握”发音（国际音标不用说的，常见的字母组合也要知道发音，如ea,ou,tion都是最最基本的），其次是通过对相当数量例文的深入理解，总结出最基本的语法规则，为你所用（虽然说语法是死的，但是一些清规戒律是必须牢记的，比方说初中层次的简单陈述句的几种基本结构，现在完成时的2种用法及其与过去时的区别；高中层次的分词定语/状语的用法，定语从句，都是重要而基本的）。再次则是把例文解构，把有用的片语/词汇和句式逐渐积累起来。平时的训练以听读说写译的优先级顺序安排时间和精力。写作是检验能力的手段而不是锻炼能力的手段，所以不要舍本逐末。
你既然写了，我就把一些严重的“全局性的”错误指出来，希望你能够按我说的方法持之以恒地学好英语。
“……and almost know to call me 旺才”
这里可以用定语从句：and almost everyone who knows me calls me Wangcai.
“I was born in Beijing and from a middle family”，这里没有普遍性的错误，只是举出来证明平日积累的重要性。正确的说法：“I was born into a well-off family in Beijing.”
“If I make a mistake , hope everyone to teach me at any time”If引导一个从句，主句没有主语（应是I）是不可饶恕的，另外，hope 不能跟不定式作宾补。可以说“……，I hope you would check it out for me.”
别的我就不说了，以后有什么问题尽管问，大家都很热心。
Nice to meet you ,I am new here .
It is the first day I came to work. The first I want to do is introduce myself .My name is Chirs .But my friends like call me wang cai.They consider itas my nickname.If you didn't mind you can call me it as my friend.My friend.!
I was born in a ordinary family. At Wamgfujing street,building 25th the 16th floor,Room1.If you need any help you could call55555555or55555555555.
I will at your serverice.
I am a student who is to leave school.In school,
I major in computer,at my leisure I have done some part-time jobs.Most of them is not about what I major.But I was a fast learner.I think I can acquire what I will do.
I am interested in watching TV and playing chess.If you have time I recommend 闲人马大姐，in my opinion it is very interesting. It can make you lough.
That's all. Thanks a bunch!